Pay the Bill for Politeness: It's Worth It!

I was always taught that manners cost nothing and are priceless. It turns out they do cost money. At least, to Openai's company, which, according to a Tom's Hardware article, spends millions to process polite phrases such as 'thank you' and 'please' with Chatgpt. If you've ever said 'please' or 'thank you' to your AI assistant (I do so many times myself), because it feels natural even though you know it's just a machine, know you're costing the developers millions. But should we mind?

As the article notes, users are increasingly treating AI as if it were human, and each extra interaction, including any pleasantries, requires more processing power, driving up electricity costs for companies like Openai. These courteous interactions are accumulating a hefty bill. Openai's Sam Altman himself does not think this is a frivolous expense and called it "money well spent," as he believes there is value in humanising AI. But we must ask the question: why do we bother being polite to something that doesn't care?

The running joke is that who knows what might happen in the future? If the Terminator movie's sequence of events occurs, and Skynet wages war against humanity, what if those of us who were nice to the machines are spared? This anecdote itself is also revealing, because if we did think this way (and I truly hope it is simply an anecdote) it says that we use etiquette as a means to an end, because we see the other as an instrumental investment, not as an entity worthy of dignity.

When we chat with AI, we can't help but anthropomorphise it, personifying it with human traits. This serves as a window to human evolved morality. To paraphrase Kant, we can judge the heart of a person by their treatment of animals. We so easily personify our pets; after all, they are sentient, many times empathic living things, which, however, don't communicate like us at all. What will happen, once a non-human entity can communicate and look like us and show empathy towards us (irrelevant if synthetic or not) that a pet dog cannot show? And to be fair, I have encountered people who personify things like cars, which have also replaced horses in our culture. And let's look at history, at how the Samurai saw their swords as vehicles of spirituality and Buddhist connection, not just as tools. Our politeness towards AI reflects our natural impulse to treat others with dignity; it is our pro-social, evolved morality, even when the entity on the other side is a string of code and algorithms.

Isaac Asimov's visionary The Bicentennial Man (also an excellent movie starring Robin Williams) mirrors these views in the character of Gerald (Richard in the movie) Martin, who purchases a robotic assistant. He treats the robot, Andrew, with kindness and respect, seeing him as more than a tool. He nurtures' Andrew's journey to humanity, advocating for his emancipation. In contrast, the corporate company in the movie views Andrew as mere property and a disposable, replaceable asset. I would wager that many of us would favour Martin's approach. Our collective morality evolved beyond slavery, even of a digital entity. We want companions for our work and lives, and we seem to have a creative wish as a species to animate the inanimate. I say many of us because, unfortunately, we know we have members of our species who treat others, even humans, with indignity and without value. This is why slavery in different forms around the globe is still rampant.

Should we NOT teach AI manners? Absolutely not. Our manners can only improve the AI experience. Our interactions can prompt better responses and contribute to a friendlier, more helpful ChatGPT. If this is true, those millions are also well spent in training the AI algorithms to improve and are therefore an investment in better human-AI collaboration. But most importantly, they are millions spent on the self-discovery and self-reflection of our humanity. We desire connection, and our manners are a bridge to that end, which is why it is so important that respect and ethics are an integral part of any educational system, anywhere. Apart from "manners cost nothing", another aphorism is "manners maketh Man." Will teaching AI manners, make it human? I guess the answer could be a resounding 'yes'.

Isn't it also the case, as per Aristotle, that practising the good habits of manners and etiquette, make us into better persons of good manners through habituation?

Looking ahead, I notice that we have a lot of discourse regarding the importance of us adapting to the reality of AI, and that is extremely valid. However, I wonder if AI will need to adapt to us. Could future models process politeness more efficiently, once again bringing truth to the expression that "manners cost nothing?". For now, I would say I'm with Altman on this one. The millions spent are a small price to pay for a technology that feels and behaves more human. Our gratitude and manners should not be seen as quirks. We need to resist the rhetoric that being nice is not attractive or desirable. We should celebrate manners and gratitude and insist on them, as they are a testament to our morality and the depth of our connections with others.

Grok. (2025) Cozy workspace with a polite AI interaction [Image]. xAI.